Soulless?
by Nagini the Moon Goddess
Summary: Seras wonders about her soul and incquires Walter, Peter Ferguson, Integra and Alucard about it to find out more about her soul and herself. Rated T for heavy-duty thinking. Will make more sense if read. One Shot


A/N: Hi ppl, i know i'm s'possed to be working on my other story but i've been without the net for two months now and the chapter i had half-done here on FF i have to erase cuz i just don't remember what i wanted to write which is a bitch but can't help it. So to pass my time, i kinda started writing this so i hope you enjoy.

p.s. - i'm a geek, trust me you'll soon see why. ;P

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Seras had always been curious about her Master. New to the life he had given her, she wanted to know more about him and herself. It was late evening in Autumn, she was outside sitting on the steps at the back entrance of the great mansion she lived in. Behind it were the soldiers' barracks and a patch of a small forest on the Hellsing grounds.

The trees had turned into gold and red. Seras loved thinking of the trees as clouds during a sunset that had come to the ground. She loved the colors, the shades of red, orange, yellow and gold, still tinted with a bit of rebelling green. She loved watching the trees sway gently in the cold wind.

November was her favorite Autumn month. Seras watched the leaves swirl with the wind, rustling and dancing in circles. She loved the smell of drying leaves and cold air. The ground was coated in red and yellow leaves from oak and ash trees and willow trees.

The wind caressed her face and she smiled dreamily, enjoying how it blew back her hair and how cool it felt against her skin. Even though she cannot feel as cold as the humans did, she dressed warmly anyway. Patched-colored mittens protected her hands and a tan colored coat with fur trimmings warmed her body. A pair of Eskimo-looking boots adorned her feet and well-worn blue jeans completed the whole Fall look.

"You wanted to see me, Miss Victoria?"

Seras looked over her shoulder and smiled at the old retainer. Ever since she had joined Hellsing, Walter had always been helpful, he was like a grandfather to her. She got up and brushed her jeans a little.

"Yes, I hope I'm not keeping you from your duties." Seras said sheepishly, blushing a little. She had forgotten that Walter had a busy schedule. Tonight was her night off and she wanted to use it wisely.

The old retainer smiled at the small vampire's embarrassment. "It's alright, Miss Victoria. I do have an hour or two to spare." He reassured her with a pat on her back. Seras smiled and they went inside to the kitchen.

Walter served her a cup of blood and himself a cup of hot cocoa with a few drops of fine English whiskey. They sat at the white table and sipped their drinks for a while. Seras didn't like drinking blood but she didn't want to offend Walter and besides, she was a little hungry anyway.

"What is it that you needed me for, Miss Victoria? Is there a problem with your Halconnen?" He inquired politely, keeping both hands on the steaming mug. It warmed his old hands and it felt good. The young vampire in front of him shook her shaggy blonde head.

"Oh no no, the gun is in perfect working order." She reassured him then played with her cup, spinning it on the spot. "I just have some questions and I thought that, maybe, you could answer some for me."

"Of course, I shall answer them." Walter said with a cheerful smile and Seras beamed at him.

"Oh, good. Thank you." she sounded relieved. She took a small gulp of blood from her cup, swallowed then looked at the old man opposite of her. "Why are we such a threat?"

"How do you mean 'we'?"

"I mean vampires."

"Oh." Walter paused, thinking. "I suppose it's because vampires survive on blood and in order to survive they need to kill."

"But there are some vampires that live peacefully here, right? Vampires that wouldn't harm humans." Seras protested, being very serious about this. Walter thought about it and nodded.

"Yes, that is true. But that is never certain. One can be a vegetarian and even find a substitute for meat but sometimes the body betrays the mind when it craves for something long enough. Put the vegetarian in front of a great big juicy steak and despite his principles and protests, he will devour the steak and feel content about it." He explained with a chuckle. Seras smiled too, at the analogy.

"Even when one gives something up, it is never truly lost. Sooner or later the peaceful vampires would give in to their nature and attack humans. You cannot avoid what you need for survival. It is instinct" He continued with a calm face. Seras looked a little disappointed.

"I see. So even those vampires are threats to humans."

"Yes."

"Then why do you use Master and me to kill them?"

"Fight fire with fire. Humans are not immune to bullets or swords. The body count would be impossibly high for every mission." Walter replied gravely. Seras shuddered at the thought. She was still so sensitive to death.

"Master enjoys killing vampires, it's so strange." She said in a musing, dreamy voice. Walter chuckled again

"Alucard is the ultimate undead. He cannot stand weakness or powerlessness or humans." He said, still smiling as he spoke. Seras was silent for a moment or two, taking it all in before she asked another question.

"Why does he serve Sir Integra?" She asked innocently, watching Walter from underneath her eyelashes and she sipped her blood again.

"That, my dear, is quite difficult to explain." Walter replied with a mysterious smile and drank the rest of his hot cocoa.

"How come?"

"Alucard is a difficult being, hard to understand. Even I do not know the real reasons behind his loyalty."

Seras said nothing. She could feel it in her bones that Walter had lied about that. He knew the reasons but did not wish to share. It was alright, maybe it wasn't the right time or place to find out everything about the mystery that is Master Alucard.

"What about vampires? What can we do?"

"As far as my knowledge goes, vampires are the undead. They are supernatural beings that possess great power and the gift of immortality. They drink the blood of animals and humans. They are predators, hunters and skillful seducers. They use their beauty and bodies to lure their victims into their embrace and then bite their neck and suck the blood from them."

"Yes, I know that too."

"Miss Victoria, vampires are nothing like the novels and movies portray them. They are dangerous creatures, evil and souless. They kill for fun, not for food. They are the damned."

Seras still stayed silent as Walter spoke and the last words made her feel a little alone. She was a vampire, that meant that she was damned as well. Walter saw the young vampire's mood drop and sighed. He might've overdid it with the whole 'damned' thing. He reached over and placed his big hand softly over her small one.

"Of course there are always a few exceptions."

Walter stood up from the small table and took both cups to the sink and filled them with water. He smoothed out his black vest and tie, gently patted Seras on the back and excused himself.

Seras watched him walk away, a hundred and more questions still buzzed in her head like a swarm of angry bees. He had only answered a few but it wasn't enough. She'd have to go to her second source.

Peter Ferguson was old, very old. He joined Hellsing when he was still very young, barely twenty and highly ambitious. Now he was old and respected, for that he thought all those years going out on missions and watched some of the finest men die in the line of duty was worth it.

Sure he was constantly stuck with new recruits, some who've only dreamed of handling guns, others who thought monsters only existed in childhood. It was difficult, first convincing them and then training them but he was stubborn and he made sure that every man that came to Hellsing was the damned best he could be. But that was it. He trained humans, not vampires. That's why when Seras Victoria got stuck in his unit, he didn't know exactly what to do.

But he figured, she's the best they could have, she even got under his skin a little, not that he'd ever admit it. Proud as he was, took a lot to get under his skin. She was just a child and Peter always felt a strong need to protect her, even though she'd do a better job at it. That's why he agreed to see her on his night off. It was always nice to see a young face, especially when it will always stay that young as the years go by.

"Sir, I hope I'm not intruding." Seras's timid voice echoed in his small living room. She had agreed to come and see him at his home. It was quite late but it never made any difference to him. They were seated in his living room, sitting across a fireplace with roaring orange flames and an old beaten hearth rug. She was sitting on the sofa and Peter was sitting in his favorite armchair, sipping a glass of brandy.

"Not at all, Agent Victoria." He replied briskly, nodding her way to acknowledge her presence. He stared at Seras sitting across him and smirked. She looked quite nervous, truly like a little girl.

"Good. Um...I have a few questions, sir."

"Doing a bit of soul searching Victoria?" Ferguson asked with an amused chuckle and Seras smiled slightly.

"You might call it that."

"Go ahead. Ask and I will try to answer the best I can." He said in his gruff, commanding voice. Out of habit Seras sat upright and rigid, even saluted him.

"Yes, sir!"

Ferguson laughed and shook his head. "At ease, no need to be so stiff in my home."

"Right. Sorry sir." Seras immediately apologized, blushing a bright rosy red. Ferguson raised one gray brow at the color. "You've fed. Good."

"Oh. Well, just a bit..." She said, touching her cheek while looking elsewhere. Ferguson said nothing, he knew blood was still a touchy subject with her, no matter her nature. Personally he'd be a lot happier if she fed regularly, it would mean more efficiency during the mission, but she wouldn't listen to him if she won't listen to that crazy vampire Master of hers, or Sir Hellsing.

"What was Master like when you joined Hellsing, sir?"

"Straight to the point, nice." He complimented, nodding his head in approval. "Alucard was strange. Mad. Thrill of the kill. Same as he is now, actually."

"Really? Did he ever talk to you, sir?"

"Threatened to eat me if I got in his way during a mission." Ferguson gave a slight shudder. "Never did get in his way but that threat stuck with me. Sir Hellsing told me once to never show fear or weakness in front of him. He hates weakness. And humans. He's a lunatic."

"Oh." Maybe Ferguson wasn't the best source for information about Master. She slowly rose to her feet and bowed her head respectfully to her commander. "Thank you sir." She said quietly and made her way to the door. But she had barely managed to take a step when Ferguson had spoken again, still slowly drinking from his glass, gazing into the fire.

"I find him interesting though, crazy or not, he is very interesting."

"How so, sir?" Seras couldn't hide the eagerness from her voice as she spoke, it was impossible. She knew Master was interesting but she wondered how her commander sees him, other then like a lunatic.

"His glasses. I've seen him without his glasses only once. Got a good look at his eyes. All I saw was red, like a sea of blood and a bad feeling. Made my skin crawl. That's what I find interesting. He's on our side, yet evil spills out of his very being."

He had thrown her something to chew on. Soul searching. She was curious about that mad, monstrous man of a vampire that sired her. He often wondered if he'd live to see how Seras Victoria would turn out; a replica of her Master or different.

"Goodbye sir." She said with a faint smile and a nod. Ferguson returned both. "Good evening, Victoria."

Seras was back at the mansion, pondering over what Ferguson had told her. It was true. He never took off his glasses and when he did, his black hair would hide his eyes. She began daydreaming–err, nightdreaming– about what his eyes would tell her. One could tell everything just by looking at their eyes.

Emotions, thoughts, character, everything. How did that saying go? Something about the soul? But, she laughed to herself, vampires did not have souls, they are the devils, the walking dead. These creatures are not destined to have souls.

She was back on the steps at the back entrance of the mansion. It was her favorite place during Autumn. Here she could watch the trees and the leaves swirl like black silhouettes of ballet dancers against the light of the moon and the velvet blue sky. It always gave her the thought of a fairytale. It was most assuredly somewhere around two in the morning. Everything was quiet, the soldiers slept, the barracks silent. So immersed in watching the trees sway and the leaves dance with the wind, that Seras did not notice someone standing behind her. Only when the person spoke, did the young vampire give a start.

"I have been standing behind you for five minutes, Agent Victoria and you haven't noticed. Is there an explanation why?"

"Oh! Sir Integra!" Seras said, jumping to her feet immediately when she heard the icy voice. Integra rolled her eyes when Seras dutifully saluted her. "Really, Seras you're such a failure in my ranks."

"Sorry, sir." Seras murmured, looking a bit unhappy. Integra waved her hand in dismissal of the apology and only sneered at the young girl. "Bah, sorry does not make you more efficient."

"It's two in the morning, sir. What are you doing out here?" Seras tried to sound respectful as she asked but by the scowl on her boss's face tipped her off that she might've failed at the attempt. Integra drew out her silver cigar case and lighter and waved both items in front of Seras.

"Not that I need to explain myself, but I usually come out this time of night for a moment's peace and a good smoke." giving her subordinate a glare, she added sarcastically. "Am I permitted to do so?"

The young vampire girl averted her eyes and did not answer. Integra smirked triumphantly and lit up a cigar and took in a long, delicious drag.

Seras stayed quiet and after a few minutes, tentatively sat back down on the white steps. Integra remained standing. After a long silence in which only the wind howled and the trees rustled constantly, Seras had plucked up the courage to ask her boss her burning questions about her mysterious sire.

"Sir Integra, may I ask you something?" The young girl inquired, breaking the silence between them. Integra was motionless but her reply was bored and in a drawl.

"You just did but yes, you may ask another question."

"Who is Master?" Her voice was timid, small, hesitant when she had asked the question.

"Alucard? You wish to know about him?" She countered her question with her own and laughed. It was cold and icy but a laugh still. It brought chills to Seras's body, making her shiver slightly.

"Yes."

"There isn't much to tell you." Integra said with a set frown on her face. "Alucard is Alucard. He's a joker, he taunts and vexes me from mere boredom, the damned idiot." Here she scowled again and her iceberg eyes glared at Seras below her. "It is his only and sole pleasure to irritate me to my grave."

"That's sounds like Master alright." Seras said with a stifled chuckle and returned her gaze to the trees beyond the barracks. Integra still held her scowl but the ends of her mouth twitched forwards. Seras was still young in her new nocturnal life, her curiosity with Alucard would be somewhat understandable.

A memory of her own surfaced when Integra was still as young as Seras is in her own mind. She had been making the same inquiries, set on understanding the dangerous weapon her Father had left in her care. Understanding one's weapon will put it to better use against one's enemies. That was Integra's logic and it had served her well since. Seras on the other hand, merely questioned the mysteries surrounding him, it's normal that she is attracted to it. All women are attracted to mysteries.

Integra sat down beside her and watched a few birds fly up from the thick shadows of the trees and twirl around in the dark blue sky.

"He will be the death of me." Integra said with a heavy sigh, leaning back on her hands. Seras nodded in agreement.

"He _is_ the death of me." She countered with a wide smile and heard her boss chuckle at the comparison. "Touche."

"It will take a large amount of time to completely understand him. Are you willing to do so?" Integra asked, watching her with an amused expression. Seras shuddered at the mere thought, but it was meant to be comical.

"I don't want to know _everything_, just who he is. The rest he can keep to himself. I have no desire understanding the inner workings of the mind of a lunatic vampire." She laughed and glanced at her companion and saw the skeptical expression on her face, quickly added "Sir." to her bold statement. Integra shrugged.

"Alucard is what he is. It is unfortunate that his state of mind might be the result of the experiments my ancestors conducted on him, to make him better, indestructible." Integra sighed again. She had read the journals and logs of her predecessors and had heaved most of her lunch and breakfast after that. The things those men did, those experiments. They were the true monsters.

"Might be?"

"Whether he was as mad before he came into the service of Hellsing as he is mad now, is not fully in my knowledge. One of his mysteries I suppose." Integra said with a smirk and a shrug. Another silence graced them while both women watched to sky change color at a snail's pace. Seras checked her watch. It was now half past three in the morning.

"Do you know who Master reminds me of most of the time?" Seras said in a thoughtful voice as she leaned back on her hands as well, matching her boss's position. Integra raised a brow at the blonde, intrigued.

"Who?"

"The Joker from _Batman the Animated Series_."

"Dear God! You're becoming as mad as he is."

"No, really! All he does is laugh and destroy and laugh while he destroys and kills. It's uncanny." Seras explained with many giggles. All Integra did was shake her head and roll her eyes.

"And I suppose the only thing he's missing is that ghastly make-up and that purple gangster suit to complete the similarities, correct?" She said sarcastically, both her blonde brows raised and her gaze skeptical. She received no response, only a strange, somewhat shocked look from the small girl beside her.

"Don't stare at me like that, I was a child once as well." Integra scoffed and Seras burst out laughing. Ignoring her laughter Integra continued. "Batman was a great hit here in England. Damn Yankees and their spandex and cape wearing, buff-bodied heroes." She said in a low grumble.

"Well, mad or not, I'm serious. Other then the laughing and killing, he has a very twisted sense of humor." Seras said, her voice still holding some traces of her mirth. Integra let out an exasperated sigh, which sounded more like a gulp that turned into a small laugh.

"It is rather sad that I agree with you. Which would mean I am mad as well." She said, unable to contain some of the chuckles escaping her.

They sat there a while, Seras still laughing and envisioning her Master dressed like the Joker, only with fangs, running about with his guns and shooting them at Alexander Anderson dressed up as Batman. It was quite a sight and she was even as bold to describe it to the infamous Ice Queen sitting beside her. Even Integra had her moments, even she had a funny bone somewhere in her body.

Soon the laughter and mirth died away and the silence once again settled between them like a thick blanket. Seras recalled the things Walter and Ferguson had said to her and it made her wonder. She turned to Integra yet again, her face serious and solemn.

"Do vampires have souls, Sir Integra?" Seras asked in her tiny, quiet voice, hesitant once again. She did not look at the platinum blonde beside her but kept her eyes fixed at some random blank point towards the trees.

It had been a question Integra had been anticipating. There was an unsettling feeling covering the silence, tension rising in the night air. She took in a deep breath, held it in for a second then exhaled in a whoosh of breath before answering in her best business-like voice.

"Vampires are soulless creatures, Agent Victoria." She said in a brisk voice. "They are trapped between the living and the dead and because of that, their souls have left them."

Weighing her boss's words carefully, Seras's mouth turned into a grim frown. She turned her large eyes to Integra once more and spoke in a small, child-like voice that gripped even Integra's frozen heart. "Does that mean that I am without a soul too?"

"I do not always agree with Alucard's actions. You are a good person, Victoria and in my opinion you are not cut out for eternal life. The only shame would be your youth in death and the way you would have died."

"But some humans are worse then vampires. Even humans can't have souls from the terrible deeds they have done." Seras said through gritted teeth. She, of course referred to the men who had brutally murdered her parents and raped the dead body of her mother whilst she watched from the open crack of her closet sanctuary.

"True. I know that firsthand." Integra said smoothly, eyes cold, mouth set in a straight line. Seras cast her a questioning glance and Integra began telling her about the day she met Alucard.

"My Father was dying when I was thirteen. He named me his heir instead of his brother, my uncle. After a few days since my Father's death, my uncle sought to have me killed. I escaped through the air ducts and came to the basement. It was there in a room I found Alucard. My uncle came in moments after me and shot me once in the arm. He tried to shoot me again but Alucard stopped him and tore off his head." Her voice held no tremor of emotion as she finished the story in an indifferent voice, steady and level.

Integra took out another cigar. Smoke curled around the invisible air, darting left and right as the wind played with it.

"My own flesh and blood tried to kill me. Someone I have known since I was a small child. I was still a child when he tried to take my life. Could one still have a soul after committing such a crime? It is most certain that only a man who had lost his soul and his way would even think of such terrible things." Integra paused briefly to take another long drag from her cigar and blew out the smoke. Both women watched the gray cloud dispersed slowly in the air. Only after it was gone did Integra continue.

"Vampires might not have souls but there may be some exceptions here and there. I do believe that there is a conscience still present within his mind and in yours. It is the best way to make up for a soul and the best way towards God."

Seeing that Seras stayed quiet, Integra shook her head again and stood up from her spot. Her form towered over Seras once more. "But that is just from a theological point of view. You must take that up with your Master. Not me."

"Sometimes, I think I don't have a soul and it's my conscience that is driving it away. I don't know what to do, should I listen to that voice in my head or ignore it." Seras said and looked up at Integra. "My conscience tells me not to shoot even though those things I kill are murderers and already dead. When I am hungry and need to feed, the voice tells me to stop, that by taking the blood it is exactly like I am taking someone's life."

Still it was Integra's turn to remain quiet as Seras kept on talking. "It sounds right but feels wrong. If vampires have souls, do I still have mine and does Master still have his as well? That's why I want to know about Master and who he is because I don't know who I am. Knowing him will be like knowing me better. Is that crazy?"

"Not really. Good night, Agent Victoria." Integra nodded her head at Seras and went inside the mansion. Seras glanced at her watch; a quarter to four in the morning. The sky still held on to its' dark colors but a little bit of light purple and baby blue had bled through the darkness.

It felt odd to her, being this close to morning and yet she did not feel one bit tired. Everything was still. The trees were like statues, the wind had settled, not a creature stirred. The silence was kind of deafening, ringing loudly in her ears. But there was no sound.

Seras let out a sigh and watched her breath come out as a white and wispy puff of air. She got up and went back into the mansion, through the halls and down towards the basement and into her room. She still did not feel any fatigue despite the near approaching dawn. Not to mention that she was now utterly bored.

Sitting at her table, elbows on the nicely polished surface and her right hand under her chin, supporting her head, Seras picked at the petals of the single flower in the vase, which was placed at the center of the table, with her free hand. Slowly and half-heartedly plucking the white petals of the daisy, Seras watched blankly as the tear-shaped petals drooped to the table, floating down gently and gracefully. Pretty soon the flower was bare, no longer sporting its' nice, silky petals.

"Bored, Police Girl?" A deep voice asked in a smooth, charming drawl. So detached was she from everything around her, she didn't even flinch upon hearing his voice in her ear.

"Hello, Master." Seras automatically replied, still staring blankly at the small heap of white petals in front of her. She had picked up one and fiddled with it, barely noting how nice the silky smoothness felt against her fingertips.

"So nice to know how eager one's fledgling is to see her Master." Alucard said in a false cheery voice, laced heavily with sarcasm. Seras suppressed the superhuman urge to roll her eyes. Honestly, Master could be such a child sometimes. What, did he expect her to jump for joy every time he decided to grace her with his presence?

"Jumping for joy is not exactly what I had in mind but yes it would suffice." Alucard said in his amused voice, taking up the chair at the opposite side of the table. He sat sideways with his body half-facing Seras while his long legs stretched out before him. He placed his elbow on the table and put his hand under his chin, mouth curved in a mischievous smirk and one black brow raised slightly in his characteristic skeptical way.

"It's not like I don't see you at all Master." Seras grumbled, still partly absent to everything around her, including her Master.

"Oh, don't tell me you're sick of seeing poor ol' me everyday." Alucard said with a overdone dramatic gasp and a look of mock-hurt passing across his handsome face. "You wound me deeply."

Seras had seen this display of theatrics and was not one bit amused. She wasn't really in the mood for one of his teasing sessions. But he was her Master, so to humor him she rolled her eyes. "Oh please." She muttered. "Even Anderson's blades can't hurt you, you expect me to believe I did?"

"Ah, already emotionless, cold and sarcastic. Fledglings grow up so fast."

"Quit it Master." Seras snapped at him but she couldn't stop the smile tinging her lips. He was so weird sometimes, especially when he was this..._playful_.

"Now now, dear Police Girl." He said with a large mean grin. "Be a good fledgling. Even if you are only a pathetic shell of the vampire you are meant to be." The elder vampire added, first hint of seriousness crossed his face.

"Yes master." Seras replied automatically and frowned again. She sighed and continued to play with her pile of petals. Occasionally she would glance at her Master from under her lashes. He was no longer sitting in the chair opposite of her but felt his breath blowing on the back of her neck. Every fine hair stood upright and a slight shiver ran up and down the fledgling's spine. Alucard chuckled.

"Master? Who are you?" His dear little fledgling asked, tilting her head back to look up at him. He stood behind her, his face above her. The Nosferatu King grinned and his fingers began playing with strands of her hair, threading themselves through the locks and combing out the tangles gently.

"Police Girl, are you suffering from amnesia? I am your master." Alucard replied with a roll of his eyes. Seras closed her own, enjoying the feeling of his hands combing her hair. It always soothed her, it was something her mother used to do to her when she was sad or scared.

" I know that." Seras said with a small scoff. " I mean, who are _you_?"

"Curious about your sire's jaded past then? Tsk tsk."

"I just want to know my Master." She said innocently, opening one eye to peek up at his face. Alucard was laughing and the sound vibrated through her bones, her blood. It made her heart jump and beat wildly.

"It would be wiser if you didn't. _'I know that I know nothing.'_ " Alucard replied with a smug smile as he watched Seras's forehead wrinkle and tilt her head more. She opened her eyes again and blinked a few times, obviously confused.

"Huh?"

"Socrates. Greek philosophy." He said in a drone-like voice. Seras peered at him a little more then relaxed her head. She shrugged. Seras had barely paid attention to the philosophers of Greece in high school. After all, she wasn't exactly plaining to become one of the undead. "Oh."

Silence followed. Alucard continued playing with her hair. Seras didn't even notice that her head was in his lap and that they were somehow on her bed instead of at the table. Alucard laid back against the fluffy white pillows with Seras laying horizontally beside him with her head snug in his lap. Now she had noticed but didn't fuss much, it was kind of nice. And creepy, but still nice.

"So you won't tell me?" She inquired again, shifting her head so that she was facing Alucard. He raised his brow again and snickered. "No."

"Why, Master?" Seras said in a whiny voice and regretted it. His smile, though already impish grew cruel and his eyes flashed dangerously at her.

"Because I say so and you, as my fledgling, must obey." Alucard replied in his commanding voice and Seras immediately cringed. Another silence filled the gap. Seras had moved closer to her Master's chest and fiddled with one of the buttons on his vest.

"Master, do vampires gave souls?" She sounded just like a child asking her parents why the sky was blue. Alucard kept stroking her hair, his hand ocassionally wandering to her cheeks. This kind of affection was rare for them both but neither seemed to mind. Alucard scoffed and let out a short, cold laugh.

"Do you think we do?"

"No. Yes. I'm not sure really." Seras muttered, unsure of what to say think or even feel. It all felt so strange, now that she thought about it. She wondered vaguely if maybe her soul would rattle inside her if Master would start shaking her. But of course that was just apsurd.

"Make up your mind, you know I despise uncertainty."

"I just don't know who I am. I want to know if I still have my soul and if you still had one." The young vampire girl replied with a shy smile and Alucard began laughing his mad laugh.

"How considerate of you, Police Girl. Rest assured that I am without such useless weight." He said with a large sense of pride and a lopsided grin on the side. Seras rolled her eyes then diverted them to the cool, round button she twirled between her small fingers. So shiny and black and solid.

"Does that mean I don't have one either?"

"Seras, vampires are neither human nor dead. We walk the line in between. When those pathetic human fools die, those souls of theirs leave them for good. Ours have left us as well." He looked so serious as he spoke, no longer sporting his crazy grin. Now he was beginning to take part in his role as her teacher as he should've long before. Or at least till he gets bored again.

"Oh." Was her simple, and perhaps a bit dumb, reply.

"Would you rather have this soul of yours, Police Girl? Be like every other useless human with a soul in this place?"His tone was grave, frightening as he was going to punish her for even asking such things, let alone think of them. Never will she be able to predict him and Seras was absolutely sure that her Master just likes shocking her for the heck of it because the next words to leave his mouth definitly left her a tad speechless. "Police Girl, it would've been easier for me to answer if you had asked if you could strip for me." Alucard threw his head back and laughed. "I have no objection at all for that."

"Master!" Seras shrieked and covered her head with her arms, interrupting his petting her hair. Alucard was in such a strange, good mood this evening, or more accurately this mroning since it was close to half past 5 am. He pried the arms away from Seras's face and shook his head at her. "Really Seras, you disappoint me in so many ways." He said with a husky chuckle to which she replied sticking out her tongue at her scary, childish, perverted Master.

"Did it make a difference to you when you had your so-called soul, then Police Girl?" Alucard inqured with a smirk, watching her face twitch angrily before she gave in.

"Yes. I feel kinda....empty."

"Silly Police Girl, that's your stomach talking." Alucard snickered just as her stomach rumbled. Seras would've blushed if she could but instead tried to glare at her Master. She pouted and shook her head.

"Stop teasing Master I'm serious. I feel empty inside, like I'm not who I used to be, I'm not whole." It was true. No matter what she did, where she goes, even this talk wasn't helping her understand. 'Soul searching' was in deed the correct term. It was like Seras had to find her soul because a part of her was missing. Something important, just enough to make her whole, make her one. She sat up and cooted away from her Master on the bed. Then she jumped off and strode over to her door, hand on her hip.

"While I was alive, I never had that kind of feeling before. It's confusing."

"I do not understand why you are bothered by this. Embrace the night and this gift I've given you."

"I can't. Something won't allow me."

"It's your clinging humanity that won't let you. Be rid of it, it is useless to you now." Alucard looked like he was getting excited. He gripped her shoulders and squeezed, ignoring Seras's wincing face and small whimpering from the pressure he applied. "Become my equal, be what you truly are." His voice seemed husky, low and seductive. It drew her in, made her pant lightly and her head swim. Become his equal?

Alucard no longer occupied the bed, he was now behind Seras. His hands stealthily circled her waist, pulling her to his body intimately. Seras gasped, what does she do now? She felt one han slid up from her belly over her breasts to her neck, caressing it lovingly. Grabbing her chin gently, he tipped her head to the side, exposing her neck before him. Seras shuddered. Alucard, grnning like a mad man, bent his head over her neck and kissed it. Then his tongue licked her throat, making her squirm delightfully in his arms. "Be mine by blood." He whispered into her ear but the little Draculina couldn't find her voice to reply. Letting go of her, Alucard turned his fledgling around so that she was facing him.

At first, she felt dizzy and lightheaded. She didn't quite understand what he meant. But as Alucard lifted up his arm, Seras knew at once what he meant and watched with horror as her Master slit his white wrist with his sharp nail.

The blood, dark and glistening, oozed from his wound and the smell hit her, washed over her weary senses like a wave over sandy shore. Her mouth began to water, her stomach grumbled and something inside her screamed and begged her to drink, to feel the power through his blood on her tongue, to have it sing through her veins, strengthen her muscles, highten her senses. _Yes. _Something inside her rasped. _Yes! Take it! Be you own vampire, Become his equal and be as powerful as him!_

Alucard extended his bleeding arm towards the fledgling and his grin grew wide and proud as he watched her tiny hands firmly grip his wrist. Without looking at him Seras lowered her head until her lips almost touched the pale skin, stained with blood. only then did she look up at her master with large, imploring eyes. "If I do this." She said, watching Alucard closely. "You won't be my Master anymore."

"Yes, that is true."

"You don't want to be my Master." It was more of a statement then a question. Alucard sighed. She would've made a beautiful vampire if only she wasn't so stubborn. And this innocence was dragging the potential down, she was too naiive, too humane. But as he stroked her cheek witht back of his hand, a fang popped over his bottom lip. Maybe because this innocence was what attracted him to her, like the scent of blood attracts sharks. He ruffled the top of her hair and pushed her onto the bed. "Time for bed Police Girl." He informed her with a big, naughty grin.

"You avoided my question." Seras said, a bit breathless from everything that just happened. She was also a bit frustrated. First he treats her like a daughter, then a woman he wants then he tosses her onto her bed like she is nothing but a child! She frowned and glared at Alucard through narrowed eyes.

"Police Girl, look at me." Alucard said in his commanding deep voice. The wound on his wrist healed completely and with that hand he took off his glasses. Seras gazed into his eyes and felt something grip her, something uknown. The red in his irises swirled, like a hellish inferno roaring to be set free. She felt cold, freezing and numerous shivers wracked her body, shaking and rattling her constantly. But she couldn't tear her eyes away from him at all.

"Eyes are windows of the soul." His voice fluttered around in her ears, whispering softly to her. Seras understood, she was frightened. All she saw in her Master's eyes was death, blood and blackness. Was he truly that tainted by the horrible deeds he had done as a human? Was he truly evil? Following the uneasy feeling of thisevil came his raw power. It supressed her, physically pushing her away from him. His eyes, his mesmerizing eyes told her so many things. Seras had brief flashes of women crying over dead, scattered bodies, blood staining meadows and the grass, battered flags and armor strewn across the battlegrounds, twitiching bodies impaled and still bleeding upon large spikes. A man amongst all this carnage stood and laughed, wild and high on the stench of death and the rivers of blood streaming before his feet.

Somehow, Seras managed to tear away her eyes from her Master's. She was breathing heavily, panting like a dog, tired and scared of what she had seen. Was that Master's soul then? Was that what she saw? Glimpses of his life?

Allucard smirked and put his glasses back on his nose. Such a curious little fledgling his Police Girl was. He closed the small distance between them and took a handful of her blonde locks, threading his fingers through them again. Seras flinched and moved away, trembling.

"Souls are not something that come and go, Seras. Souls are what keeps monsters like us alive." His voice seemed to echo as he spoke those words and disappeared completely through the walls.

Still shivering Seras hugged herself. She shouldn't be afraid, she knew. But those terrible images kept flashing through her mind. Was Master truly such a monster even as a human? How could she not fear such a being, so powerful and dangerous. She pictured his eyes again and gulped a few times, on the verge of tears. She was so frightened.

Now she wasn't sure she wanted to her soul. If it would become as black as her Master's after killing so many people, it would be better if she didn't have one at all. But her mind forced the memory of her first meeting with Alucard. She had seen him kll all her men, her collegues in front of her. She had called him a monster, inhuman. But wasn't she relieved that he had saved her? Taken her in his arms and gave her new life? Can a man with such a black soul still do something like that?

What was it that kept her so closely tied to her Master? Seras recalled the first training sessions, his teasing and his pranks. Surely a monster wouldn't ruffle her hair and act gentle with her? Of course not. Her shivering stopped. He wasn't human and neither was she but she still had a soul which meant she could live. That's what Master had said, wasn't it? He still has a soul, he wasn't completely damned. There will be peace after this long un-life of theirs ends. There will be peace in their real deaths. A soulless creature is damned, Seras wasn't. Master wasn't. Is that what he meant?

Yawning and streching, Seras crawled under the covers, feeling a little better. The feeling of being incomplete, she knew the source now. It was the Master-servant bond, she couldn't severe it, not yet. That's what keeping her back. It wasn't her time yet. Master will stay her Master, Master will always be hers, no matter how frightening he is. There's still something inside him and her that keeps him from the fires of Hell, from damnation. It gave her a sense of hope.

Seras smiled to herself. Master was right. Without her soul, she wouldn't be alive. He answered her question after all.


End file.
